I wrote this poem to read at the service-celebration for my Dad on June 26, 2026.
It’s in email format since we used to email each other every day (until this April, when his eyesight was no longer up to reading and writing emails).
My Last Email to Dad
Dear Dad,
I Love you
Those were
Not words we tended to say
In our family
But so much love was there
Always
Love expressed as time
In daily emails
Between us
The word love sneaked in
At the end of each one
When we couldn’t email each other any more
Goodbye was on the horizon
my heart broke
So much joy though
A very full life
95 years!
Who ever would have thought?
I never dreamed
You’d be with us so long
I’m sorry you
Missed my wedding
That probably hurt
I was 23, oblivious,
Had not yet learnt
What it was like
How it felt
To be a parent
You were always
So clever
So capable
And so strong
Quite eccentric,
Doing things your own unique way.
So many meals
Were “the most delicious food
I ever tasted!”
I’ll never forget
Your screwed up face
And absolute incredulity
If we dared disagree with that –
Or anything else
You were passionate about.
So kind when you were well
So naughty when you weren’t
But it wasn’t your fault
Or, not entirely?
When it happened to me
A new understanding
A new bond between us
A blessing in disguise.
You had
Such a great sense of humour
The gift
Of being able to laugh at yourself.
Your wit and quick repartee
A highlight of so many family holidays
When your hearing was fine.
A wonderful Grandad
So delighted
With your grandchildren
Playing with them
Making them laugh
A mirror reflecting
The dad you were to me
When I was too young to remember
So brave
As your strength began to wane
Still positive,
A wonderful patient,
Your kind GP told me.
In your final weeks
So sleepy
Each word now an effort
Yet still
You made that effort
For me.
So many phone calls
About you
Trying to make sure
You and Helen were ok
Looking for ways to connect
With you
Very short phone calls
Just a few words
But so good to hear your voice
Holding your hand
On what was to be
the last visit
I didn’t know
The next morning
An hour for myself
Before more calls
My phone off during aerobics
Unreachable and yet
The background music
Familiar
But words I never heard
Until that morning
“Life is a song,
it ends when it ends…
It’s alright, you were dancing
Through the lightning strikes”
Past tense
I heard an epitaph
of love
A Wave Breaking over me
And breaking me
An overwhelming sense of love
Of sadness yet rightness
Goodbye was so close
No, no,
Don’t think about that now,
Finish the class
I can visit again
In a few days
After class
On my phone
So many notifications
As soon as I saw
I knew why
I was So sad
Yet So happy to hear
You quietly slipped away
After ‘hello’ to Helen
And a few final sips of tea
Not in pain
Peacefully sitting in bed at home
The ending you wanted.
Later I realised
You’d left during that song
That really was goodbye
A message from you
Or God
Or the Universe
Or was it just a coincidence?
I expect that’s what you’d have thought
If I’d told you.
But you wouldn’t have said so.
I can imagine you
Just listening
And nodding respectfully
Wise and kind enough
To understand
that’s what I needed
In that moment.
Your life was a song
it reached the end
It was the right time
In so many ways.
You had to make your own sunshine,
And you did
There truly was
No one like you.
I’m so thankful
For all the happy memories
I love you
I hope I’ll see you again
Until then I will always miss you.
With all my love,
Your daughter and
Your loyal subject,
Helen