It definitely was easier to be an atheist, for a number of reasons. One was the whole gender thing. I never felt much like I fitted in as a Christian Woman in church.
(Being a woman in secular environments can be hard too – but it was not as universally hard as it was in the Evangelical/Charismatic/Bible-believing churches I belonged to.)
I don’t like dressing up or wearing make up. I get impatient with ‘small talk’ – I’d rather talk about ‘real’ stuff. I don’t like doing crafts. When my kids were younger and I was home full-time with them, no, I didn’t really want to spend church time looking after other kids. I wanted a break, a chance to be with adults. Why don’t men help in the nurseries more at church?
I never believed that Christian wives were supposed to be other than equal partners with their husbands (I looked wide and long and high and deep to find Biblical justification for my view – it’s harder to find than the hierarchical view – but it’s out there)
I realized one day that most of the smart women at church would be wives of leaders but I never would as long as my husband was an atheist.
It seemed that I wanted to talk about the Bible more than most other women and also men, but it did seem like the men who preached it could get quite excited about it. I had limited opportunity to talk to the men about it though. I expect the ‘a man must not be alone with a woman’ came into play. Although I appreciate being able to talk to my pastors one and one in private occasionally. It helped a lot when I was ill, that I was allowed to do that. Some of them gave me a lot of time either by email or in person to help me navigate my way out of being ill, with a patient Christian listening. I will never forget the kindness they showed me.
BSF was helpful, all women seriously studied the Bible – well, until I was not allowed to go anymore because of illness. (That’s on my blog somewhere and I did get back in after a while).
Mary Whelchel’s ministry was helpful too. Being a woman (also divorced – yes that matters) she had to navigate the hierarchical waters to have a ministry and be on the radio. She has an amazing gift for making Christian living practical. Anyway I appreciated the Women in the Working World meetings in person at my church and also her ministry on the radio.
Ah, I forgot Mary is Mary Lowman these days, that’s awesome! From her website: “Mary (Whelchel) Lowman had a burden to encourage women and to teach them sound biblical principles in order to equip them to live godly lives in their workplaces.”
Beth Moore is a another woman out there in the fray. In the last – year or so? – I have seen Beth Moore post some awesome tweets. Good for her.
It’s hard being a smart woman in a church which disallows women from equal leadership. Christian Men, you will never know what it’s like to be thought stupid or incapable just because of your gender. Please don’t be so quick to assume God is a hierarchy and wanted men and women to model that hierarchy.
What if he (they) wanted life to be more like a dance in which the leader changes, or a discussion group in which the quietest member is intentionally called on because they might have the wisest thing to say? Well that clearly is not me (!) but…please give a thought for the voiceless (smart) women whose voices are cut off and taken away by men.