Seriously.
I was drawn back into believing because of wanting to pray for a beautiful young woman who desperately needs prayer. Actually she doesn’t because God will heal her if He wants and not if he doesn’t, so it doesn’t actually matter whether I pray for her or not.
But when I was an atheist I didn’t know God was going to do whatever He wants to do anyway. I wanted to help. So I went and prayed Bible verses over her in the presence of her family, joining their open public prayer time.
I was still an atheist before I prayed, I think, but maybe not afterwards.
The thing is though, then I got quite mentally ill. So now I’m thinking, I was probably right that being an atheist was better protection against being ill than being a believer (in unseen things). And now I’m hoping about various things which atheists might consider unlikely to happen.
But yeah, my expectations were nicely managed before I started to believe again. So, it makes me want to be an atheist. Well, no not exactly. I think it makes me not want to be a believer without hope. Anything but that. So I am trying to be patient and see where my hope is going to come from (yes I know the quote -ok, let’s go with that)
Maybe this Psalm (121) will help. “A song of the stairway – like Jacob’s ladder, I never thought of that before!
God Protects Us
A song of the stairway
121 1–2 I look up to the mountains and hills, longing for God’s help.
But then I realize that our true help and protection
is only from the Lord,
our Creator who made the heavens and the earth.
3 He will guard and guide me, never letting me stumble or fall.
God is my keeper; he will never forget nor ignore me.
4 He will never slumber nor sleep;
he is the Guardian-God for his people, Israel.
5 Yahweh himself will watch over you;
he’s always at your side to shelter you safely in his presence.
6 He’s protecting you from all danger both day and night.
7 He will keep you from every form of evil or calamity
as he continuously watches over you.
8 You will be guarded by God himself.
You will be safe when you leave your home,
and safely you will return.
He will protect you now,
and he’ll protect you forevermore!