[Edited a little December 7, 2025 for coherence and relevance. This is the first account I wrote, the day after, of my visit to the new psychiatrist on December 15, 2021, and of the evening of that day. I was still quite ill when I wrote it.]
Perhaps it was inevitable. Anyway I will be honest and write about it.
I find myself in the same situation as in 1996 and 2000. [Edited to add: in other words, acutely manic and being prescribed mental health medication, which I’d been hoping to avoid]
It was such an odd day yesterday. I really felt like I was coming in for a landing when Steve & I were ubering to the psychiatrists’ office for my 3pm appointment. [As best I remember, I think “coming in for a landing” means I had unrealistic expectations that this psychiatrist would think I was fine and not prescribe me anything?]
And the beginning of the appointment was quite good with him offering me a pillow to hug in case it helped. So I held onto it. A bit later he did something which was hard [I can’t remember what that was]. Then they had us go out while they’re deciding things. At the end I felt like I should look at a cute tiny plant on his desk. I was trying not to look at the psychiatrist. I felt [emotionally] pushed away or something, I couldn’t easily look him in the face. Anyway I agreed to go on olanzapine. With no information basically so that was annoying but – sometimes you just don’t know what to ask.
So that was ok but then after dinner I felt like literally swearing really loud at my husband then I did a bit. At this point I am clueless about what to do to help me. My husband suggests we call my Mom so we call her on speaker phone. She helps by saying she understands it’s hard. My husband is really lost at this point. Which is why I am so surprised he wins the day, before she hangs up, by suddenly saying “I’ll take a pill as well, I don’t mind – let’s go take one together! So we did and he was so happy last night as he got ready for bed. It was amazing.
So I feel very disoriented and it was mostly not a great day yesterday. But I’m happy to have a happy ending to the day as it were.