I wrote this because I believe that John 14:6 is not a message for people who aren’t believers/Jesus-followers/Christians. I believe that applying it to those people is taking it out of context and that could have serious consequences. I wrote about John 14:6t here and here. This story was originally part of the first post I just linked to, but I’ve moved it to a separate post because it was long and probably distracting.
Here’s my story illustrating how I believe things can get messed up when someone takes a message intended particularly for them and infers it applies to someone else (which is what I believe some Christians do with John 14:6). This story has meaning for me but it clearly is a story. I cannot claim there is any ‘absolute truth’ in it.
A busy father with twins has been particularly busy with work lately. He notices one of the twins in particular seems to be unhappy about this. He takes the child aside and gently says
“I know I haven’t been around much lately. It’s because I’ve been so busy with work – it’s not because I don’t care about you. I love you and care very much about you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t take time, every night, out of my small amount of [non-work non-sleep non-spouse] time, to play cards with you.”
It’s a message of comfort and reassurance for that child. I expect it is comforting and reassuring – why wouldn’t it be? All is well and good.
Except – Dad plays cards only with one of the twins. And the first twin knows that. So, after this reassuring chat with Dad, the first twin goes to the other one and says
“Wow, guess what I just found out? Dad plays cards with the kids he loves. He doesn’t play cards with kids he doesn’t love. Sucks to be you! Perhaps if you could be more like me, Dad would love you like he loves me!”
Now, Dad had talked to the first twin first because that twin was the one who seemed unhappy. The other one seemed fine. The other one probably was fine about not having cards played with them, until they heard this from their twin.
Now they are worried, thinking
Wow, it hadn’t occurred to me that Dad didn’t love me, but, it’s definitely true that Dad plays cards with my twin and not me! Could they be right? Could Dad love them more than me? In general they do seem to be a trustworthy source of information.
The second twin feels sad and confused. They have a choice: should they bring this up with Dad or not? They don’t really want to because they feel like it might get their twin in trouble if their twin was wrong. Worse, though, they are afraid to because they really don’t want to hear Dad say “Yes, your twin is right, I do love them more than you!”
Perhaps they decide never to bring it up and are always sad that they are loved less than their twin. I certainly hope this is not how the story goes though, because that would be tragic. So let’s say, they find a little courage (or maybe it takes a lot of courage) and go and ask Dad whether it’s true. It turns out that Dad is able to reassure them it isn’t true, Dad does indeed love the second twin as well as and as much as the first one.
The second twin is glad they brought the subject up with Dad but it does have consequences for the first twin. Dad now goes back to the first twin, who is as yet unaware there is any reason for any further communication at this point from Dad. Dad says to them with a sigh, but also a smile
I suppose I should have been a bit clearer when I talked to you earlier. What I was saying was just for you and not your twin. I honestly didn’t realize you’d go talk to your twin about it, so I didn’t say anything about my relationship with them. Unfortunately you did go and talk to them. Well, it’s fine to talk to them but what I mean is, unfortunately what you said to them was somewhat of a misunderstanding. Anyway let’s assume it was my fault for being unclear and so I will try to be clearer now. There’s a reason why I play cards with you and not them. (I didn’t even tell them all of this) It’s because I tried playing cards with them and I found out that when the two of us are doing something together they mostly want to chat. When they chat during card games they get too distracted to play. So, instead of cards I do jigsaw puzzles with them. We both enjoy that and it’s something we can do while chatting. That’s how I show my love to them, because it works better for them than playing cards. Capiche? Are we good?
Hopefully although there may have been aspects of that chat with Dad that were uncomfortable for the first twin/hard to hear, they do understand and are ok with the explanation and continue to feel loved.