I was lost, now I’m found!

(This might not be what you think…)

My friend Veronica e-mailed me about a week ago to say that the secondary school (high school) we went to, St Helen’s, is having a 25th reunion in April for our year. She said I’m listed as ‘lost’ and would I like her to give them my information?

I said to go ahead – I’d like them to have it. And a couple of days later I got a friendly e-mail from their Old Girls liaison officer saying she’d send me a couple of magazines and giving me the link to the Old Girls website.

So now I’m found. I’m a ‘HelKat’, I guess (which is quite clever since the full school name is St Helen and St Katharine). So does that mean I went through hell when I was there…oh never mind ;-).

I didn’t leave the school ‘properly’ – I expect that’s why I didn’t get on the Old Girls mailing list at the time. I left rather precipitously a few weeks into the sixth form after the school had basically treated me like a client they didn’t really want. They’d switched my classes (to even their class sizes) which meant 2 of my 3 teachers got worse – way worse in one case. And they wouldn’t let me do 4 A levels like I wanted.

My parents took me to Larkmead, the comprehensive (i.e. ‘local public school’ in American terms) over the road, to talk to the staff about what my choices would be there. They were very respectful and kind to me as we discussed my options – wow, being treated by school staff that way was rather a new experience.

So I took the drastic step of going from a private girls school to the comprehensive across the street. It was quite a culture shock – I still remember the shock of how noisy it was compared to the girls school, just walking around in between lessons. My younger brother went there – I think I asked him to walk in with me the first day :).

I went from a big sixth form of all girls, many very academic, to a small one (it was growing but it was still small that year) where it wasn’t cool to be a girl who was good at science. And one of my teachers wasn’t good – although it didn’t matter because the syllabus for that A level was so weird you could pass the exam without knowing anything. So, it wasn’t perfect at the other school either but – it was an interesting experience, part of the pattern of my life.

I had mixed feelings about St Helen’s – now I think back, I had lots of experience of a rigid system before I ever got into conservative Christianity, because of that school. Although it didn’t happen every day, I do remember times when I was invalidated and shamed by mean teachers.. In my last few weeks, it became very clear that the school wasn’t interested in helping me make the academic choices I wanted to make, supported by competent teaching. Yet musically the school had been a wonderful place to be. This school of only 500 students had several private music teachers who would come in and teach in their music wing during the school day. It had two orchestras and their choir regularly combined with a local boys school to perform major choral works, which I really enjoyed.

The school I went to had one ‘orchestra’ of about two violins and ten clarinets – in other words, not really an orchestra at all. Hmmm…that’s probably changed – I just found the website for them and see that they are now “Larkmead School: A Specialist School in the Visual and Performing Arts”. It certainly wasn’t that way back then, yet the school happened to be the meeting venue for the regional youth orchestra, which I joined – and that was a good experience.

Anyway, I figured I was persona non grata with St Helen’s after I left and didn’t expect to get on the alumni list. (I did hear from someone that they listed my A level results along with theirs which was a bit annoying since they shouldn’t have taken credit for them).

I was pleased to hear, 25 years later, that evidently they did want to know where I was. I told them because I’d like the people I went to school with to have my contact information if they want it. When I look at the list of names of who I went to school with, it brings back good memories. It’s the teachers I had trouble with.

Those teachers and that headmistress (principal) are long gone from there now – I’m sure it’s a very different school these days. In fact it’s hard to believe it’s the same school, looking at the photos on their website of girls wearing uniforms without ties.

When I was there the school council once dared ask if we could wear white socks – the norm for girls not yet wearing tights (hose). That was vetoed because it was ‘the thin end of the wedge’. We were stuck with ‘fawn’. I don’t think anyone ever dared ask if we could do away with ties even though, where else did you ever see girls or women wearing ties? It was a very strange thing for girls to do. I have to say, though, it did turn out to be slightly useful knowing how to tie a tie, when my son was younger and had to wear one for concerts and my husband wasn’t around. (Now my son has to tie his own)

I won’t be able to attend the reunion – it’s too far to go. Still, I’m glad I got found. Being found is always better than being lost (as long as the people who find you are kind to you).