- Introduction
- Suffering
- Be Honest
- Self Pity
- Anger And Forgiveness
- Fear And Worry
- Guilt
- What We Think About
- Being Thankful
- Praise And Worship
- Our Personal Relationship With God
Introduction
I believe that God wants us to trust Him with the parts of our lives over which we have no control and to make responsible choices in the parts where we have control. The believers in the New Testament churches underwent a lot of suffering, so there is much written there about how to understand and handle suffering. I do believe that emotional pain is a form of suffering which is partly under our control and that God calls us to have a certain attitude about suffering and to respond to it in righteous rather than sinful ways (the strength and power to do this comes from Him, not us).
Suffering
First of all, we need to remember that Jesus warned his disciples to expect trouble in their lives:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Paul tells us in the following passage how he suffered in some unspecified way and God did not take away his suffering although he asked Him repeatedly:
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)
God allowed Job to suffer although Job had done nothing wrong:
Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.” The LORD said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” (Job 1:8-12)
Jeremiah suffered emotionally and cried out to God about his “incurable wound” (emotional):
Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? (Jeremiah 15:18)
and even God’s beloved Son Jesus had to suffer and die on the Cross:
Although [Jesus] was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8)
Finally, Peter tells his readers not to be surprised by suffering, implying that it is part of the Christian life:
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. (1 Peter 4:12)
First, then, we need to accept that this life generally includes suffering of one sort or another.
It helps us to endure suffering if we can see what the end result will be, like Job could, who wrote:
But [God] knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me,
I will come forth as gold. (Job 23:10)
According to James and Paul, what God works in us through suffering is so important that we can rejoice about our suffering:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4)
Considering our suffering to be “pure joy” doesn’t mean that we must pretend that it does not hurt. It means that although we are in pain we recognize by faith that God is using it to achieve something good in our lives – and the lives of others too, perhaps. God can and will bring something good out of it, as Paul affirms:
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God (Romans 8:28)
“Considering suffering pure joy” also does not mean that we have to put a smile on our face when we are crying inside or that we do not need comfort and support at times. The pain is real, even if we know that it is for a good purpose. And it certainly is OK to express our pain to God (see “Be Honest”, below). Peter reassures us that the suffering will not last long:
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:10-11)
Paul tells us that our suffering will be minor compared to the glory we will experience in eternity:
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)
So, as the author of Hebrews says, let’s persevere, even in the midst of suffering, and not become discouraged:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Be Honest
It’s important to be honest with ourselves and with God about the pain. It’s OK to be in pain and to admit it. Life is painful sometimes. And it’s OK to cry out to God about it too. Even Jesus did that:
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
At the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”–which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me ?” (Mark 6:34)
The Psalms provide us with wonderful reassurance that we can tell God all about the pain we are in. Here is one example:
O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?
I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears. (Psalm 6:1-6)
David encourages us to pour out our hearts to God in another Psalm:
Trust in [God] at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge. (Psalm 62:8)
God knows how we feel anyway, so we may as well be open about it when we talk to Him in prayer. It’s important for us to admit how much we need His comfort and reassurance that He loves us.
Self-Pity
There is a difference between being honest about pain and self-pity. We need to be careful to distinguish between the two. If we get so wrapped up in our own pain that all we can do is think about ourselves and our problems, then we have forgotten God’s power and promises and provision for us. As Paul learned, there is no need for self-pity because no matter what our circumstances are, God always provides us with the strength we need:
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12-13)
We need to allow our pain to draw us into deeper dependence on God instead of withdrawing and shutting Him out. We need to see Him right in the midst of the pain, ready and willing to comfort us and sustain us. We need to bring our needs to Him instead of looking for help from other people or turning to substances or things which make us feel better in the short term but which are really substitutes for God, that keep us from being what He wants us to be.
Anger and Forgiveness
There are some Christians who justify something they refer to as “righteous anger”; but James warns us about man’s anger:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19-20)
Ephesians 4:26 (quoted from Psalm 4:4) tells us “in your anger do not sin” but I personally have not found a way to continue to be angry without sinning. My anger seems always to be a self-defense mechanism, a way to deal with my own pain by blaming someone else. Well, that’s the plan but it doesn’t actually make me feel better; usually if I react in anger then I regret my actions later.
What works for me is to realize that my anger is an attempt to deal with pain and to ask God to help me to resist the temptation to deal with my pain that way. Instead I want to learn to let go of the anger and forgive the person, if it was a person who hurt me; and to take the pain directly to God. Even if a person deliberately has hurt me, God has allowed that and so it is better for me to go to God and express my frustration to Him rather than focus all my anger on the person. I’m not saying that we should never confront a person who hurt us; I believe in going to someone and trying to talk things through, when appropriate. But not while I’m still angry; that just escalates the situation. Only after I have prayed and given the anger to God and asked Him to help me respectfully tell the other person that they upset/offended me.
I haven’t been in a situation where I have been seriously abused. I know that it is hard to forgive in those circumstances. It may take a long time and it may need to be revisited if something triggers memories of the abuse all over again. Nevertheless it ought to be our goal, as Christians, because as Jesus said:
If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:15)
I don’t believe this means that God will cast us off if we are having a hard time forgiving someone but it does mean that we ought to have forgiveness as our goal. Forgiving someone does not mean that you are excusing what they did; and it may not be appropriate for you to tell them you forgive them; sometimes it’s better to avoid all contact with those who have abused us. But it does mean letting go of the anger and asking God to change your heart concerning that person so that you no longer have thoughts of wanting to harm them in return for how they hurt you.
Fear And Worry
God wants us to trust Him so much that we can bring all our fears and worries to Him and leave them with Him, confident that He will take care of us. As Paul wrote:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
John explains how the love of God can drive out our fears:
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)
We need not be worried or afraid, according to these verses; all we need to do is to talk to God and believe that He is in control and will take care of us. If we are worrying then in effect we are allowing ourselves to think that God is incapable of, or doesn’t want to help us. Of course, neither of those are true, according to the Bible.
Guilt
John tells us that once we confess our sins to God He totally forgives us and cleanses us from them:
If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
Any lingering feelings of guilt we have after we have confessed are “false guilt” and are not from God. If we have confessed all wrongdoing that God has brought to our attention, we need to believe Him that there is no longer a reason to feel guilty. If we think we must feel guilty for a while because we “deserve to” then in effect we are saying that Jesus’ death was not sufficient; we are dishonoring Him. Yet it was enough; because of His death we now have the righteousness of Jesus Christ and are holy and blameless in love before God, as these verses tell us:
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21)
For [God] chose us in [Jesus] before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight in love (Ephesians 1:4)
Since we have this standing before God in Jesus and through faith in Him, and once we have confessed any sin we know about to Him, we can reject any lingering guilty feelings and approach God in prayer with confidence:
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
In [Jesus] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. (Ephesians 3:12)
What We Think About
Let’s be careful what we think about. Paul explains here what we ought to think about:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)
We ought to be aware of whether we are telling ourselves things that are unhelpful and in fact untrue such as “I’ll never feel better” or “Everything is hopeless”. If that is what we are saying to ourselves all day, no wonder we feel bad. Rather than let such thoughts go through our mind unhindered, we should be testing every thought against Scripture. Paul wrote this to the Corinthians about how he dealt with each of his thoughts:
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
In Ephesians 6 Paul wrote about the spiritual “armor” God has given us. Two pieces which help to protect our thoughts are the helmet of salvation and the belt of truth. Putting these on means trusting that God really has forgiven us our sins and reconciled us to Him and also filling our minds with what is true. Some very important truths we need to know are who we are in Christ and what amazing things God has done for us. A good place to start is the “Who Am I” list of Bible verses (this is on Neil Anderson’s web site; the URL is http://www.ficm.org/whoami.htm). When we notice that we are thinking negative thoughts we can remind ourselves of these encouraging truths instead. I’ve found that memorizing Scripture is a very effective way to address unhelpful thought patterns.
It’s OK To Be Weak
Paul wrote here about learning to delight in his weaknesses because he discovered God’s power was perfected in weakness:
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
Let your weaknesses be opportunities for God’s strength to be manifest in you. Remember that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). It’s also good to let other Christians help you. Don’t go to those who don’t understand depression but do choose one or two caring Christians who you can share your struggles with, who will pray for you and ask you how things are going. Paul and James encourage Christians to pray for each another and bear each others’ burdens:
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:16)
Being Thankful
Paul wrote this wonderful advice to the Thessalonians (1 Thess 5:19).
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
It’s important to remind ourselves of specific things we are thankful to God for; that will have a very significant effect on how we are feeling.
Praise And Worship
It’s important for me to keep my eyes and thoughts fixed on Jesus and heavenly things rather than on myself and my problems:
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess. (Hebrews 3:1)
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:2)
One of the most effective ways for me to get my perspective back and fix my eyes on Jesus again is to listen to worship music or read Bible passages in praise of God. When I do look at Jesus instead of me, the view is so much better! I can’t really overstate what a difference it makes in my outlook when I take time to praise God.
Our Personal Relationship With God
Each of us is unique in the exact way God planned us to be. His goal for Christians is not that we all become exactly the same but that we become more faithful, unique, representatives of Jesus. We might actually become more different from one another as God sets us free from our fears of “not fitting in” and enables us to do what He’s called and gifted us to do rather than what we think will make us accepted by others.
Since we are unique, our relationship with God is also. We need to find our own way of deepening our relationship with God. If the way we pray is not working, we should try something else until we find a way in which we are able to communicate with God. We also should not automatically believe everything other Christians say; rather, as Paul wrote: “Test everything. Hold on to the good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:20)
Our uniqueness gives each of us a slightly different perspective and furthermore, sin messes up our understanding of God. So none of us has “all the answers”, as Paul knew. In 1 Cor 13 he wrote that, in this life, we only “know in part” (verse 9) and we see “but a poor reflection as in a mirror”. What is important is that in spite of our imperfect knowledge, we keep seeking to get to know God better and to become more like Jesus.
Back to “For Christians In Pain”